Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
