she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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