Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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