I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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