glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My vagina is very pro this idea
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