If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
