Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize