Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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