Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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