I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
