Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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