I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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