Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
