Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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