I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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