I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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