guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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