i think my tv is drunk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
