I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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