"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
