Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize