spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
