I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's the barista slut.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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