If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
