we have officially lost it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
