She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
