so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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