maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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