they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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