Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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