What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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