youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize