He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
