And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize