its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
