Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
