Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
