actually, I'm a sock model
id be glad to
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
