I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
