gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
