apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
