Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize