if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
