I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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