i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm like, not good at living.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
