Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
