Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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