why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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