I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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