We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
