How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize