We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
