There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
