Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
