yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We're using joints as your birthday candles
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
