Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
