I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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