somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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