then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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