Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
