I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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