Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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