Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
