The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
