so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
