i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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