wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
