She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
