do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
