she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
