clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
