Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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