i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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