I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
