Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
