Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
false alarm, still single
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
